Oya

my body belongs to you no more
it's moved away
after last night's fight

don't look for its current whereabouts
even if you found it, it won't let you
in

it'll pretend it is not at home
it'll turn silent if you ring the bell
or call the police if you turn persistent

so what if it used to yield
to your will

its resolution
is suddenly vital

it has taken things
in its own hands
it has fixed the fence, rearranged
the rooms to gain a new look
and renewed a licence
for living a life
of its own

slowly
it'll learn
to recognize
its drives

it might take a course
in re-collecting
its forgotten parts

it'll go to places and do things
to its liking

it'll meet people

it might take pleasure
in talking to strangers

if things go fine
it may take a flatmate
the following spring

presently
it will lock the door
and put the key
under the pillow

it needs some sleep
and maybe some dreaming

without your needs
to be met
it's got the entire time
in the universe

the bed has grown
in size
overnight

the body doesn't know
what to do
with so much space
available

it'll find out

relationship

my skin has grown old
from expectation

I'm bored with living
this way, it says
and yawns to prove it

what can i do if
nobody comes
to touch you

go find someone
the skin insists

it thrives on making advice

I want to have things
my way

let us wait a bit longer
I propose
secretly I don't feel like
any change, one can have
one's habits
at this age

You may go and buy a dress
to make me feel present
it demands
I promise in order
to play for time

it doesn't believe me
and it knows I know

as a sign of warning
or maybe
to make itself occupied
the skin starts drawing lines

it has picked
my face and the outer sides
of my hands
as its favourite
working areas

it becomes more and more advanced
with practice

it stretches itself
in the wrong places
too

when I go nuts it responds
with softening
of the arms

Finally I arrange a massage session

my name's Tanya
the woman says and leaves the door
ajar, her voice has
a lilt, the room smells of
some exotic country
suddenly I feel like home
I cannot remember

under the touch of her oily palms
my skin sheds itself
and gently coils in the form
of snake
under the massage table
i want to put it away
before i go
leave it to me, Tanya says
I can take a good care
of serpents

the next day
I go and buy a dress

Indian palms swirl on the fabric

walking down the street
against my expectation
my body sings

haunting, a chant

I did not know until I did learn
my "no" could overthrow a chair

I always knew but I never shared
how much I'm scared

I will never forgetmy Father's blessing
in my Father's threat

I do not remember
those springs, that long lost
December

I hardly realised
when I had been told
one day I'd grow
old

I ignored the truth, comforting the lie
that there isn't I

I saw in another, never in myself
an ability
to tell
 
One day I found in me
a scar as well as
the scar-inflicting knife

Only with time
did I get to know
the warmth inherent

in the cold of snow

I made up stories
never craved
a kiss

I'm no longer
longing

I am
a bliss