haunting, a chant

I did not know until I did learn
my "no" could overthrow a chair

I always knew but I never shared
how much I'm scared

I will never forgetmy Father's blessing
in my Father's threat

I do not remember
those springs, that long lost
December

I hardly realised
when I had been told
one day I'd grow
old

I ignored the truth, comforting the lie
that there isn't I

I saw in another, never in myself
an ability
to tell
 
One day I found in me
a scar as well as
the scar-inflicting knife

Only with time
did I get to know
the warmth inherent

in the cold of snow

I made up stories
never craved
a kiss

I'm no longer
longing

I am
a bliss